The Hope For Haiti Telethon

Saturday, 2:04 PM

Dear Friend,

I was watching the Hope For Haiti telethon Friday night.

There was a stellar lineup of stars performing, presenting… and even just answering phone calls.

Imagine calling to make a donation and speaking with Ringo Starr or Stevie Wonder!

They paired up some interesting combos of singers, too.

The one that struck me as most unusual was Dave Matthews and Neil Young.

I’ve always liked the Dave Matthews Band. I give the guy credit for accomplishing so much. I mean, after all, he hasn’t been blessed with the most beautiful voice. It may not be the most pretty but it is unique… and he uses it for all it’s worth.

And a lot of people like his voice, including me.

Pairing him up with Neil Young. Hmmm… interesting choice. Another guy who has a “unique” voice.

To be honest with you, I can only stand to listen to Neil Young sing about one song. After that, his voice really gets on my nerves. (Who knows… he may feel the same way about my voice, too.)

Now during the entire telethon, Donner the Doberman is lying at my feet asleep. Dave Matthews sings the first verse of the song and everything is status quo… Donner still asleep.

Then Neil Young starts singing the second verse and Donner jumps up, stands in front of the TV, looking at Neil Young’s image, the hairs on his back stand up and he starts barking like crazy.

They even cut away to a shot of Dave Matthews and Neil Young together and Donner focuses on Neil Young and keeps barking.

The combination of Neil Young’s voice and Donner barking is really obnoxious… and since I can’t tell Neil Young to shut up, I tell Donner to stop barking.

He complies but he stays in front of the TV, looking at Neil Young and growling with the hairs on his back standing up.

Dave Matthews joins in with Neil on a chorus and Donner is still there staring down Neil Young… and still quite pissed off.

Dave Matthews sings the next verse alone and Donner lies back down at my feet.

Honest to God… I’m not making this up!

There’s something about Neil Young that really annoys Donner.

I got to thinking…

I feel the exact same way about certain “gurus”.

Just reading their e-mails raises my blood pressure.

That’s why I’ve unsubscribed from most of the usual suspects’ lists.

I don’t miss their messages either. They all send out the same sales pitches for the same “brand new cutting edge secret underground traffic generating secrets” product launches.

Wanna know which gurus annoy me the most?

First of all, the one who traipsed all over the country with his partner speaking at every seminar put on by all the good ole boys IM club, claiming to have a “multi-million dollar business”.

Truth be told, the owner of the fulfillment company handling this guy’s account disclosed in private that he was only selling about $12,000 a month.

And another guy who REALLY annoys me…

The guy who had practically ZERO experience in direct response marketing and copywriting (I knew him personally before he entered the guru market)… but hung out his shingle on the Internet anyway, arrogantly proclaiming to be the best copywriter/marketer in the world.

After he saw his website, Gary Halbert called me and told me he wanted to write an article for The Gary Halbert Letter, exposing this cat as a fraud.

Deceiving people into giving you large sums of money for what you only know in theory… stuff you only learned from a book or seminar, instead of years of “in the trenches” experience… is HIGHLY unethical. Especially when you lead your prospects to believe that they’re actually paying you for knowledge gained from years of experience.

Any time I get an e-mail from these guys… or find out about the latest “cutting edge underground secrets” crap program they’re selling… I’m like Donner. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, I look at the computer screen, bark and growl.

It just annoys me.

Thanks for letting me bark and growl about these guys today. I actually feel a little better.

By the way, I discovered why Neil Young was so annoying to Donner.

As I was watching the telethon, the Colombiana was on the couch reading a book with a glossy book cover. And it was reflecting light from the lamp onto the TV screen… on Neil Young’s face.

Since he was a puppy, Donner hates reflections, flashlights, lasers… anything that projects a small circle of light. He barks at it, chases it and tries to catch it.

So my wife’s book was reflecting light onto Neil Young’s face at the exact time he started singing.

I guess after a minute or so, she figured out the book was causing a reflection and repositioned the book… at the exact moment when Neil Young stopped singing and Dave Matthews started.

Mystery solved.

But it was still kinda funny anyway.

All the best,