{"id":12260,"date":"2016-03-23T13:26:12","date_gmt":"2016-03-23T18:26:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.dobermandan.com\/blog\/?p=12260"},"modified":"2016-03-23T13:26:12","modified_gmt":"2016-03-23T18:26:12","slug":"this-guru-just-fked-me-outta-my-money","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dobermandan.com\/blog\/this-guru-just-fked-me-outta-my-money\/","title":{"rendered":"This guru just f*&ked me outta my money…"},"content":{"rendered":"

I now have a much greater appreciation for how the Colombian \u201cnarco traficantes\u201d do business.<\/p>\n

The terms and responsibilities of your agreement are spelled out \u201cmas claro que agua.\u201d (Clearer than water.)<\/p>\n

And the consequences of NOT doing what you\u2019ve agreed to do are made even clearer.<\/p>\n

That involves your entire family getting brutally murdered in front of your eyes… (they start with your family pets… no kidding)…<\/p>\n

…then it\u2019s your turn.<\/p>\n

That involves getting your throat cut wide open, someone reaching up through the slit to grab your tongue and pull it through your throat… while you\u2019re still alive and choking on your own blood.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s called a Colombian necktie.<\/p>\n

From a management standpoint, it\u2019s brilliant. It really incentivizes people to do what they promise.<\/p>\n

And really, they usually only have to do this once to make an example. After that, everybody else pretty much falls in line.<\/p>\n

That\u2019s how I think I\u2019m going to handle people from now on who f*&k with my money.<\/p>\n

In the past, I\u2019ve rarely chosen litigation. I\u2019ve always given people every opportunity to make things right.<\/p>\n

If they didn\u2019t (and most didn\u2019t) I left it up to the universe to deal with.<\/p>\n

But not anymore.<\/p>\n

Not after this most recent sin committed against me and my family.<\/p>\n

You see, a \u201csub guru\u201d working with one of the biggest name gurus in our silly little world (I GUARANTEE you would know the guy) hired me to write some copy.<\/p>\n

He played the \u201cfriend card\u201d and even though I know better, I fell pray to that. (Damn this nice guy syndrome.)<\/p>\n

I agreed to do it for half my normal fee for my \u201cfriend.\u201d<\/p>\n

And since he kept playing up the friend thang, against my better judgment, I did the project after only getting half up front.<\/p>\n

After all, this guy wouldn\u2019t screw a \u201cfriend\u201d, would they?<\/p>\n

Especially with the guru being so high profile… and knowing that I have the ability and wherewithal to destroy his reputation overnight.<\/p>\n

(Gary Halbert taught me this process. I saw him use it to destroy an 8-figure supplement company in less than a week. Literally.)<\/p>\n

The copy converted spectacularly well.<\/p>\n

But really, that’s irrelevant.<\/p>\n

Even if the copy converted at zero, a deal’s a deal. And your word’s your bond, right?<\/p>\n

Listen, I know better than to do this with a client. People NEVER keep their word and pay you what they promise.<\/p>\n

But this guy was a \u201cfriend.\u201d<\/p>\n

You can probably guess what happened.<\/p>\n

I held up my end of the bargain but he did not.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve still not been paid any of the money promised.<\/p>\n

Never will.<\/p>\n

And my \u201cfriend\u201d has disappeared.<\/p>\n

So I have a couple options:<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Do nothing and let the universe sort it out…<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Litigate and piss away a bunch of money on a blood sucking attorney… (and I STILL won\u2019t get paid)…<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Use the \u201cdestroyer\u201d method I learned from Gary Halbert and ruin these guys\u2019 reputations in front of ALL their peers and clients…<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0Follow the Colombian plan.<\/p>\n

In the past, I\u2019ve usually chosen option 1.<\/p>\n

But I rarely see anybody suffer the consequences of their sins. Maybe the universe is laying down on the job these days.<\/p>\n

Option 2 is just a stupid waste of money, time and emotional energy. \u2018Cuz the only thing an attorney can do for you is continually say…<\/p>\n

\u201cPay me more money.\u201d<\/p>\n

Therefore they\u2019re incentivized to keep delaying closure on the matter for as many months (or years) as they can keep stringing you along.<\/p>\n

Option 3 works extraordinarily well… so I\u2019m considering that.<\/p>\n

But it just doesn\u2019t seem enough, does it?<\/p>\n

That\u2019s why I think I think I\u2019ll be choosing option #4 from now on.<\/p>\n

\u2018Cuz like the Colombians learned, I\u2019ll only have to do it once. Everybody else will fall in line after that.<\/p>\n

[deep cleansing breath]<\/p>\n

That was a fun way to blow off a little steam, wasn’t it? I actually\u00a0feel a little better. (But frankly, I\u2019d rather just have my\u00a0money.)<\/p>\n

Listen:<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re whoring out your mind as a freelance copywriter… or any kind of consultant, expert or service provider… know this and NEVER forget it:<\/p>\n

It\u2019s really damn easy for someone to promise to pay you money they don\u2019t have yet.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s the biggest scam in the world. Deceiving wide-eyed service providers into working for free… or very little.<\/p>\n

But every good prostitute knows this:<\/p>\n

You NEVER deliver service\u00a0without getting paid in full first.<\/p>\n

And even though prostitution is how you feed your family, if you decide to sleep with a friend, just do it out of friendship.<\/p>\n

Because no matter what they promise you… no matter how many times they say, \u201cI\u2019m your friend… I\u2019d never do wrong by you…\u201d<\/p>\n

…they\u2019re not gonna pay you.<\/p>\n

You see, when money comes into play, people show their true colors.<\/p>\n

And when it comes to whoring yourself out for money, there ARE no friends.<\/p>\n

There.\u00a0I\u2019ve said my piece, fantasized about vengeance…<\/p>\n

…and even had a little fun imagining which members of my Colombian family I would hire to give these schmucks Colombian neckties.<\/p>\n

Now I choose to forgive them.<\/p>\n

And right now… right this very second… I release all the hate and resentment I\u2019ve been feeling and harboring in my heart towards these men.<\/p>\n

All joking aside, THAT is how you handle it.<\/p>\n

All the best,
\nDoberman Dan<\/p>\n\"dobedansig\"<\/a>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

P.S. Please… do NOT ask me who these guys are.<\/p>\n

When I forgive someone, I forgive them.<\/p>\n

The case is closed.<\/p>\n

I suggest you do the same for anybody you\u2019ve been harboring resentments about.<\/p>\n

And do it right frickin\u2019 NOW.<\/p>\n

\u2018Cuz not forgiving someone is like you taking poison and then sitting around waiting for your enemy to die.<\/p>\n

P.P.S. So in spite of all my horror stories you STILL want to whore out your mind to the highest bidder?<\/p>\n

Then here\u2019s one of the best ways I know to find the highest bidders.<\/p>\n

Click here and join me in the Marketing Camelot<\/a>…<\/p>\n

As soon as you do that you\u2019ll be taken to our knights-only website.<\/p>\n

Go to the \u201cCopywriting\u201d module<\/a> and check out the \u201cHow to reach the unreachable\u201d course.<\/p>\n

You\u2019ll discover a fishing hole TEEMING with \u201chighest bidder\u201d clients who are ALWAYS looking to hire copywriters.<\/p>\n

I’m giving you the complete plan (along with some template email copy) to get paying gigs as quickly as possible.<\/p>\n

Just remember to get paid up front, OK?<\/p>\n

Click here to claim your knighthood<\/a> in the Marketing Camelot today.<\/p>\n

Pax vobiscum.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I now have a much greater appreciation for how the Colombian \u201cnarco traficantes\u201d do business. The terms and responsibilities of your agreement are spelled out \u201cmas claro que agua.\u201d (Clearer than water.) And the consequences of NOT doing what you\u2019ve agreed to do are made even clearer. 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