{"id":1216,"date":"2009-09-17T12:17:46","date_gmt":"2009-09-17T17:17:46","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/dobermandan.com\/?p=1216"},"modified":"2009-09-17T12:17:46","modified_gmt":"2009-09-17T17:17:46","slug":"clients-suck","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.dobermandan.com\/blog\/clients-suck\/","title":{"rendered":"Clients Suck!"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Saturday, 12:15 PM<\/p>\n<p>Dear Friend,<\/p>\n<p>If you do any kind of client work, this very well may be the most important &#8220;from the trenches&#8221; advice you&#8217;ll ever get.<\/p>\n<p>I stopped taking copywriting clients back in 2005&#8230; for several reasons.<\/p>\n<p>First of all, it was a slap upside my noggin to see a client take what I wrote and make MILLIONS&#8230; when I only got a measly $15k plus a small percentage of royalties if I was lucky.<\/p>\n<p>It didn&#8217;t take me too long to realize I could do that for my own projects and keep the millions for myself.<\/p>\n<p>Duh!<\/p>\n<p>And it&#8217;s way more fun to work on my own businesses than put up with whiny, pain in the ass clients. At times, I felt more like a psychologist than a copywriter.<\/p>\n<p>There was another big reason I stopped writing copy for clients&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>I could write the best sales letter ever written in the history of the world&#8230;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>And it could <em>still<\/em> bomb!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>See, if the other sales processes in the client&#8217;s business sucked&#8230; world class copy really didn&#8217;t make much of a difference.<\/p>\n<p>That&#8217;s why I decided if I would ever consider taking on another client, they would have to allow me to analyze and help them improve EVERYTHING related to making the sale.<\/p>\n<p>That would include&#8230;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>List selection&#8230;<\/li>\n<p><\/br><\/p>\n<li><strong>Media selection&#8230;<\/strong><\/li>\n<p><\/br><\/p>\n<li>PPC campaigns&#8230;<\/li>\n<p><\/br><\/p>\n<li><strong>Followup processes and systems&#8230;<\/strong><\/li>\n<p><\/br><\/p>\n<li>Order fulfillment&#8230;<\/li>\n<p><\/br><\/p>\n<li><strong>Customer service&#8230;<\/strong> (Imagine spending $100k on a mailing that gets thousands of people to call you&#8230; only to have the phone answered by a surly, know-nothing bimbo who talks callers OUT of the sale!)<\/li>\n<p><\/br><\/p>\n<li>Customer retention techniques&#8230;<\/li>\n<p><\/br><\/p>\n<li><strong>Back end sales&#8230;<\/strong><\/li>\n<p><\/br><\/p>\n<li>And more&#8230;<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>If I&#8217;m given the opportunity to act as if I have an ownership position&#8230; and improve everything that affects the profitability of the business&#8230; THEN I know without a shadow of a doubt I can TRANSFORM that business into a huge non-stop money-sucking machine.<\/p>\n<p>A few weeks ago it slipped out to a few people in the direct response world that I might consider taking a client or two if I was allowed to do what I just described.<\/p>\n<p>The e-mails and phone calls started flooding in.<\/p>\n<p>And after only one conversation with a potential client who practically <em>begged<\/em> me to work with him, I was painfully reminded of exactly why I stopped taking clients.<\/p>\n<p>This guy was completely clueless about online and offline marketing. The only reason he has the current level of success is he has thrown a ton of mud up against the wall and, luckily for him, some of it stuck.<\/p>\n<p>He has ZERO long term sustainable marketing and prospecting strategies in place. He built his house on sand and it&#8217;s only a matter of time until it crumbles.<\/p>\n<p>Unless he hires me.<\/p>\n<p>But that ain&#8217;t EVER gonna happen&#8230; and I&#8217;ll tell you why.<\/p>\n<p>This guy made <em>the<\/em> fatal mistake.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Copywriters&#8230; Hearken Unto Me Or Thou Shalt Be Screweth&#8230;<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>After learning this lesson the hard way several times, I implemented a little &#8220;litmus test&#8221; for potential clients.<\/p>\n<p>And in EVERY case, when <em>this<\/em> happened, the client turned out to be a dishonest schmuck who reneged on our agreement.<\/p>\n<p>Here&#8217;s a HUGE honkin&#8217; red warning flag&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>Your potential client starts the relationship by immediately trying to weasel out of or negotiate down your up-front fee.<\/p>\n<p>In many cases it involves him asking you to work &#8220;on spec&#8221;. That means you write the piece for free, he&#8217;ll run it and if he likes the results, he&#8217;ll pay you. <\/p>\n<p>(That might be OK for a beginning copywriter&#8230; but get everything spelled out in writing. Decide on the exact results the client needs for you to get paid&#8230; and exactly how much he&#8217;ll pay you.)<\/p>\n<p>After you&#8217;ve got some chops and can demonstrate you produce results&#8230; spec assignments suck.<\/p>\n<p>Another popular client weaseling technique is some kind of promise to pay a portion of your fee now and the balance later.<\/p>\n<p>Or he sells you on taking less up front by promising a bigger percentage on the back end.<\/p>\n<p>Whenever you&#8217;re approached with those scenarios&#8230; no matter how bad you need the money, don&#8217;t walk&#8230; <\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>RUN from that guy!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>I had to learn this lesson the hard way. Against my better judgment I&#8217;ve accepted clients who weaseled out of paying all or some of my up-front fee.<\/p>\n<p>One was a well known Internet marketing &#8220;guru&#8221; who you would probably know. He persuaded me to accept only 7% down of my typical $15,000 fee with a promise of paying a higher than normal royalty on the back end.<\/p>\n<p>This was a guy was running all over the country speaking at all the IM events telling people he had a multi-million dollar online business. And pitching his $1,500 e-mail marketing course.<\/p>\n<p>If that were really true, $15k should have been pocket change for him. He would have easily gotten a 100-fold return on investment.<\/p>\n<p>My gut told me there was something wrong&#8230; but hey&#8230; this guy was a &#8220;friend&#8221; and one of the most connected IM &#8220;gurus&#8221; out there.<\/p>\n<p>Guess what happened.<\/p>\n<p>Yup&#8230; he never paid me a dime of the balance owed. In fact, he evaded my calls and e-mails for two months before he had the balls to tell me he was reneging on our contract for no reason whatsoever. <\/p>\n<p>As far as I know, he could be running that copy somewhere and screwing me out of thousands of dollars.<\/p>\n<p>But it was actually a <em>good<\/em> thing. It was the straw that broke the camel&#8217;s back. Thanks to him, I haven&#8217;t accepted a copywriting client since then.<\/p>\n<p>Over the past 15 years, every single time a potential client has tried to get out of paying my fee&#8230; without exception&#8230; he has not kept his word and screwed me out of some or ALL of my promised compensation.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Please learn from my mistakes&#8230;<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>If you&#8217;ve got the chops and can show that you can write copy that converts&#8230; charge what you&#8217;re worth&#8230; and don&#8217;t back down from that price.<\/p>\n<p>If a client doesn&#8217;t understand the value of your services, fire him immediately and find one that does. They&#8217;re out there and they are a joy to work with.<\/p>\n<p>I wrote a lot of stuff for a flat fee. It wasn&#8217;t until I had a lot more experience and could show some really stellar results that I started asking for a royalty.<\/p>\n<p>Let me share a secret with you about client work that Gary Halbert shared with me&#8230;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>Don&#8217;t count on royalties!<\/strong><\/p>\n<p>If you&#8217;re going to ask for a fee plus royalty arrangement, charge enough of a fee so if that&#8217;s the only compensation you get, you&#8217;ll be satisfied.<\/p>\n<p>In many cases, you won&#8217;t get paid your promised royalties because your client is a schmuck.\u00a0 Or you&#8217;ll get royalties for a few months until some other hired gun beats your control.<\/p>\n<p>So ask for what you think the job is worth. If you get any royalties, consider it an unexpected windfall.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\"><strong>They&#8217;re not ALL schmucks&#8230;<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">About the same time the schmuck client contacted me, I got to meet and have dinner with one of my subscribers, Chris from New Zealand.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">Now <em>that<\/em> is the kind of guy you want to have as a client. He&#8217;s positive, likes to take risks and is fun to hang out with.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">I&#8217;m going to work with him on a new business he&#8217;s starting.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">And get <em>this<\/em>. He said&#8230;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\"><em>&#8220;Even if this whole thing flops, it&#8217;s worth $15,000 to me just to discover your marketing secrets.&#8221;<\/em><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">Those are the kind of clients you should find.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">They&#8217;re out there. You just might have to &#8220;kiss a few frogs&#8221; like I did to find &#8217;em.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">Gotta run. I&#8217;ve got real &#8220;pay the bills&#8221; work to do.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">All the best,<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-65\" title=\"dobedansig_sm12\" src=\"https:\/\/dobermandan.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/05\/dobedansig_sm12.jpg\" alt=\"dobedansig_sm12\" width=\"150\" height=\"74\" \/><\/p>\n<p><\/br><br \/>\n<\/br><br \/>\n<\/br><br \/>\n<\/br><br \/>\n<\/br><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">P.S. I don&#8217;t want to let the cat out of the bag yet&#8230; but if you ever wanted to discover my secrets for starting a highly profitable &#8220;kitchen table&#8221; business from scratch&#8230; you&#8217;re going to be really excited.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">Keep an eye on your inbox.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: left;\">\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Saturday, 12:15 PM Dear Friend, If you do any kind of client work, this very well may be the most important &#8220;from the trenches&#8221; advice you&#8217;ll ever get. I stopped taking copywriting clients back in 2005&#8230; for several reasons. First of all, it was a slap upside my noggin to see a client take what [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":{"0":"post-1216","1":"post","2":"type-post","3":"status-publish","4":"format-standard","6":"category-uncategorized"},"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v26.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Clients Suck! - Doberman Dan<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.dobermandan.com\/blog\/clients-suck\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Clients Suck! - Doberman Dan\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Saturday, 12:15 PM Dear Friend, If you do any kind of client work, this very well may be the most important &#8220;from the trenches&#8221; advice you&#8217;ll ever get. 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