Most people in our incestuous little world of Internet Marketing are familiar with the much maligned marketing guru, Frank Kern.

For those who are new to our little world… or if you've been living in an underground bunker the last 10 years (probably not a bad idea, BTW, considering the state of things)… allow me to give a brief introduction to…

The Man, The Myth, The Legend…
Frank Kern!

The Frank Kern persona is a laid back, long haired, beer drinking, funny, foul-mouthed California surfer dude who works very little, yet makes millions with his online marketing secrets.

The persona presented is an interesting character. And his lazy "surfer dude" millionaire lifestyle has been reinforced with continuous conditioning via video, audio, seminar presentations and the written word.

It's a great study in how to create a larger than life character, successful direct marketing, info-tainment, how to build a loyal cult-like following… and how to use all that to sell 4-figure products and 5-figure and even 6-figure seminars and coaching.

Kern, like all successful people with a highly visible public profile, may be be the target of a lot of criticism, but make no mistake about it… he is a worthy study for any marketer.

I've been studying Frank and his products for quite some time now.

And very recently I've uncovered a dirty little secret about the REAL Frank Kern… NOT the public persona most people THINK is the real Frank Kern.

Here's the 411:

A while back I heard through the grapevine that Kern had all but abandoned his "Internet Marketing Guru" gig for greener pastures.

MUCH greener pastures.

I'm talking about a business that makes so much money, it added an extra zero on to what he used to make in his Internet Marketing guru business.

Yeah. I'm talking about Donald Trump kinda money.

But WITHOUT any of the pain in the ass stuff all us online marketers HATE to constantly deal with.

Stuff like:

* SEO (It sucks to fight like hell to get a #1 spot only to drop to 247 every time Google makes some kind of guideline changes.)

* Google Adwords and other Pay Per Click advertising… and constantly losing sleep worrying about whether you're the next one to get "slapped", or worse, banned for life because of some minor infraction of their ever-changing rules.

* E-mail delivery… or I should say LACK of delivery. (This is getting worse and worse day by day.)

* Increasing, and in some markets, OVERWHELMING competition. It's driving advertising costs – especially PPC – through the roof… and making it  cost prohibitive for newbies and "kitchen table commando" entrepreneurs to start businesses online. (This will only get worse, by the way.)

* The damn near impossibility of rookies being able to break into markets where there is an established "good ole boy" network or "syndicate"…

* And many more frustrating aspects of the constantly changing online media…

But our very smart tree-smoking surfer has found a way to make 10 to 100… and even 1,000 times more money by NOT having to deal with any of the stuff he has taught the guru fan boy crowd the last 10 years. (Actually, I don't really know if Frank smokes weed. But it DOES fit his persona.)

See, Frank figured out that the IM fishing pond is now so overcrowded with competing fisherman (many of which he helped create)… that the best way to fill his boat with tons of fish is to find a pond where nobody else is fishing.

And that's exactly what Frank has done.

This is a huge opportunity and you're probably completely oblivious to it.

But smart guys like Frank have NOT missed it…

And They're Quietly Making
TENS Of MILLIONS Of Dollars
Completely "Under The Radar!"

I'm so intrigued with Frank Kern's new multi-million dollar business model, I recently did an extensive expose on it with my friend and fellow marketing junkie, Markus Allen.

Click here to discover what Frank Kern considers to be "the next big thing" for making millions.

All the best,

Dear Friend,

My friend and mentor, Gary Halbert, was fond of saying, "Clients suck!"

But when it comes to having any of the Internet Marketing (IM) "gurus" as clients…

Those guys suck OUT LOUD!

I've only written copy for one IM guru… and never will again.

(BTW, the piece I wrote wasn't for an expensive B.S.O. Internet Marketing product. It was for a well researched and very high quality nutritional supplement in a REAL consumer niche… the health market.)

I guess this guy was too busy working on his "pipeline" to keep his word and pay me according to our contract. Instead of paying the remainder of my fee as agreed upon in person… eye to eye… belly to belly… with a handshake… this guy simply ignored all my calls and e-mails for three months.

When he finally mustered up the balls to return my call, all he said was, "I can't pay you. I don't have any money."

Which I found quite interesting, seeing as how he was bouncing all over the country selling his $2,000 course from the stage and telling people he had a "multimillion dollar health & wellness business."

I figured he was either a crook or a liar… or both. A guy with a REAL multi-million dollar business would have viewed the remaining balance of $14k owed me as mere pocket change.

So I did what any good ex-cop would do. I reactivated the investigation skills I foolishly thought I could retire after I left the Dayton P.D. and became an entrepreneur and copywriter.

A call to the owner of the fulfillment center this guy used revealed he was averaging sales of $12,000 a month.

Now I admit, math was never my strong suit back in school… but no matter how I added it up, I couldn't get a "multi-million dollar business" out of monthly sales of $12k.

Instead of wasting any more time, I chose to NOT do what would have been necessary to collect my balance… even though I COULD have… and in the process expose to the IM community all the fraudulent claims he had been making from the stage at ALL the big IMGOBC seminars.

Nope.

Not my style.

I prefer to take the high road. (Unless somebody REALLY pisses me off… or screws over one of my Marketing Camelot members.)

Wanna know what I did instead?

I had a product formulated, threw his copy up on a website, bought some traffic… and…

The promotion was a success!

After only a few months, it generated more than 5x's what my fee would have been if this guy had paid me.

After this test, I sold the whole kit & kaboodle to another supplement business owner for a nice five-figure fee… and, to the best of my knowledge, he is STILL making money with it month after month. Last I spoke with him he had a monthly income of $200k from the auto-ship.

Bottom line:

This "guru" cheated himself out of millions by cheating me out of $14k.

After being the IMGOBC "golden boys" and promoted by ALL the big names for most of that year, I noticed this guy and his partner dropped out of sight soon after.

Last I heard, his partner ran up million dollar+ bills on 30-day net terms with several CPA networks and skipped out without paying them. (A VERY reliable and confidential informant told me that was the SECOND time he had done such a thing.)

Anyhoooooo… I chalked the whole deal up as an expensive lesson learned… but… once bitten twice shy.

I vowed I would NEVER take any IM guru clients ever again. But…

Never say never!

In January 2010 I got an e-mail from the marketing director of a VERY high profile guru. This guy has invested hundreds of millions of dollars in informercials and has been all over TV for years… usually selling "make money" stuff and more recently alternative health info products and nutritional supplements.

Here's the word-for-word transcription of that very first contact. The names have been changed to protect the guilty.

I work for Mr. Big and he passed on your contact info.

I’m looking for a GREAT copywriter so I can stop doing it myself.

Let’s chat Friday.  When is good for you?

Richard Cranium
Director of Sales and Marketing
Mr. Big's company name

I have to admit… I was curious. I figured such a rich big shot can afford the best of everything… and therefore could not only afford what was going to be a very ridiculous fee… but he would also understand the value of what I bring to the table and, therefore, the justification for such a high fee.

I replied back with some very limited times I was available since I was going to be at a seminar that day.

Richard's reply:

Call me at your leisure Friday AM.

Sometimes spontaneity works better.  Always enjoy talking to a fellow copywriter who actually knows what they’re doing.  A rare breed indeed.

He includes the URL for the website of the product Mr. Big wants me to write about. They want me to beat the current control.

As soon as I read the piece I knew this gig would be what Halbert used to call a "lay down." If I wanted the gig (I didn't), it would be a walk in the park to beat their piece.

I mean a LITERAL walk in the park.

I knew from past experience all I needed was a couple hours in the park with my yellow notepad and pen… AND my brain all amped up from my special intelligence/creativity-stimulating secret of the A-List copywriting superstars as described in the September 2010 issue of The Doberman Dan Letter.

I didn't want the gig for reasons you'll soon see… but I was curious how much a big shot as big as him might pay.

So I did some fact finding on the phone with Richard Cranium and told him what else he needed in addition to the copy to ensure this piece would be a success. This, of course, would bump up the fee.

When I quoted my fee, he gasped.

He choked.

He sputtered.

Then stammered out, "Uh… well… ya know… we were looking for somebody to do this on an hourly fee of some kind."

So… I quoted my hourly fee as 50% of the entire fee I just quoted… and told him I could probably knock it out in 2 hours. (Ain't I a smart ass?)

(Don't YOU do that. See, I really didn't want the gig. I was just curious to see if this guru was for real and as rich as he claims… and would actually pay a premium fee.)

In spite of Mr. Big's successful experience as a marketer, he was stupid enough to think he could get world class copy and 15 years PROVEN direct marketing entrepreneurship experience at bargain basement prices.

I added one more guru to my mental list of frauds, liars and phonies… and got off the phone as quickly (and politely) as possible.

Here's the funniest part…

The product they were (and still are) selling was what I called "The Magic Genie" product. Their hook was a slight twist on the old "your wish is my command" line Aladdin's genie always said.

It was a 14 CD set that sells for $300. It literally promises you can generate almost instant riches with nothing but your thoughts.

These secrets, hidden from the masses for thousands of years, were revealed to Mr. Big in a secret meeting of The Illuminati in the Swiss Alps under the tightest security conditions ever implemented for a meeting of private individuals.

Here are a few excerpts:

…Once you know these closely guarded secrets, you too can learn to become a millionaire or EVEN a billionaire, improve your health, experience quality business/personal relationships and live the life you've only dreamed of….

 

…In attendance were millionaires, billionaires, high-level government officials, heads of countries, members of royal families, politicians and captains of industry. Also in attendance were the highest ranking members of exclusive secret societies like the Brotherhood (which I was a member of for 30 years), Freemasons, Illuminati, Skull and Bones and others. (What they shared left me speechless.)

 

…It's virtually IMPOSSIBLE TO FAIL once you know and use the SECRETS!

 

…If you seriously follow the information in this program, to the letter, you virtually cannot fail. It's impossible.

Say wwwhhhaaatttt?

You can be a BILLIONAIRE?

It's IMPOSSIBLE to fail?

Damn! I should have quoted him a fee of 100 million bucks!

After all, with secrets like that, Mr. Big must have more money than God!

Long story short, my fee was exorbitantly high… so I didn't get the gig. (That was my goal. I'm not sure what I would have done had they paid it.)

The funniest thing was this guy didn't even get the irony of all this.

Here he is selling the world's most powerful "magic genie" that grants unlimited wishes…

…the wealth secrets of the Illuminati and other elite people of the world…

…and a 5-second miracle plan (I'm not making that up!) to generating instant riches, health, love and happiness… but…

They can only afford to pay
their copywriter $100 an hour!

Since I worked with Gary Halbert, I've been privy to a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff in guru-dom… and it ain't pretty.

I'm sure they're not ALL liars and con-men… but guys like this have given everybody who positions themselves as some kind of marketing guru a black eye.

If you're a freelancer of any kind, you might want to think long and hard if you're ever offered a gig with one of them… no matter how much they promise to pay you.

You can be as honest as the day is long. Hell, you can be recently sainted by the pope and knighted by the queen… but when you choose to associate with con-men and thieves, don't act surprised when the world labels you one, too.

All the best,

Dear Friend,

Thanks to a never-ending inbox, I can no longer answer questions from the great unwashed masses who stumble upon my blog.

But for the knights and knightettes in my Marketing Camelot, I gladly do a Q&A call every month.

Some people prefer to ask me questions live… and others prefer to send their questions by e-mail and have me record my answers.

As I was rummaging through my file cabinet I ran across a question a subscriber sent me a couple months ago.

I thought you might want to check out my answer because I've personally made a LOT of cashola with this exact advice.

Q: I read your post How To Make MILLIONS In The Guru Business and it pretty much put the icing on the cake.

What's funny is that Frank Kern even mentions in his List Control program that you need to form a type of syndicate (aka the good ole boys club) in your niche; and it's exactly what you mentioned in one of your points in your post.

So that brings me to this… who should I learn from?

I'm a 25-year old aspiring entrepreneur but I don't want to learn from the wrong people. Could your provide some recommendations?

DD: In my most humble (but accurate) opinion, the very best "Internet Marketing gurus" you can possibly learn from are…

The dead mail order marketers!

Here are the best ways to mentor under these guys:

The Robert Collier Letter Book
- Robert Collier

My First Hundred Million
-  E. Haldeman-Julius

Breakthrough Advertising
- Eugene Schwartz

How To Write A Good Advertisement
- Vic Schwab

7 Steps To Freedom
- Ben Suarez
(NOT a dead mail order marketer.
He's still alive… and EXCEPTIONALLY good.)

My Life In Advertising
- Claude Hopkins

The Gary Halbert Letter
- Many of the issues are available here…

The Boron Letters
- Gary Halbert – Available free here…

Scientific Advertising
- Claude Hopkins

Tested Advertising Methods
- John Caples

The Lazy Man's Way to Riches
- Joe Karbo

The Thomas Hall Letter & Guides
- Thomas Hall
(Out of print but soon to be made available FREE
to all The Doberman Dan Letter subscribers.)

Here's a HUGE jealously guarded secret
of the most successful marketers in the world…

Master the first six chapters in Breakthrough Advertising by Eugene Schwartz and you'll be so far ahead of your competition… they don't even have a PRAYER of catching up.

In fact, I'm doing a coaching program soon to help you do exactly that.

It ain't gonna be cheap… but Doberman Dan Letter subscribers will get in FREE. (Details coming soon.)

All the best,

P.S. I know my opinion is biased… but in addition to all the books I recommended, I think you'll find some valuable info here on DobermanDan.com, too.

Dear Friend,

I'm about to reveal one of the biggest behind-the-scenes secrets of the "guru" business.

The one NEVER mentioned in front of their "flocks."

It's something only spoken of in hushed reverence, behind closed doors during their private little circle jerks.

This is an utterly brilliant persuasion technique they use to…

…Attract followers to them (who spend LOTS of money) like moths attracted to light…

…Sell hundreds of MILLIONS of dollars worth of products, seminars and coaching… even in a down economy…

…And turn their followers into raving fans… who spend money with them for years… or even DECADES!

I've seen its power first hand… and it's quite impressive.

It can be used for good OR evil… and I've seen it work like crazy for both.

I just may be the first guy to EVER reveal this secret in a public forum. (I'm sure the gurus will HATE me for it… and I'll probably be blacklisted by EVERYBODY.)

I'm also finally going to reveal something people around the globe have been BEGGING me for.

I call it…

The Intelligence/Creativity-Stimulating Secret
Of The A-List Copywriting Stars!

I learned it while working with the late great copywriter, Gary Halbert.

I already knew about the physical benefits of doing this from my years as a hardcore gym rat… I just didn’t realize all the MENTAL benefits.

Here’s how it works:

You’re going to follow some very specific dietary guidelines that will manipulate a variety of hormones and brain chemicals to…

…Make creativity easier…

…Reduce mental and physical fatigue…

…And allow you to concentrate more intensely on any creative task with much more focus than normal… for periods of 30 to 90 minutes.

Maybe longer.

This little gem has saved my cute little white booty on SEVERAL occasions when creating sales copy and/or new product offers…

…and I had no energy and felt like complete doo-doo… but still had to step up to the plate (at the very last minute of a deadline) and knock one COMPLETELY out of the park.

Sound like something you could use from time to time?

Well, that ain't all…

I'm going to show you my best e-mail marketing secrets. You'll see what's working for me RIGHT NOW… in a variety of niches.

Some of these e-mails were grand slam home runs… and some bombed so bad they stunk up the place.

You'll see 12 examples of my e-mail marketing tactics. Some that worked like crazy… and and some that didn't… and why.

The ONLY way you can discover all this powerful cashola-making stuff:

…The biggest behind-the-scenes secrets of the "guru" business…

…The intelligence/creativity-stimulating secret of the A-List copywriting stars…

…My best-performing and worst-performing e-mails… and why they DID or DIDN'T work…

… is if you're a cherished subscriber to The Doberman Dan Letter.

In the September 2011 issue I'm revealing everything I just described… and more.

When you subscribe before 12:00AM midnight Eastern Time August 31… you'll be locked in to get the September issue with all these secrets.

And believe you me… you do NOT want miss out on this.

Click here now to lock in your subscription and get the September 2011 issue hot off the presses.

I'm looking forward to welcoming you into my extended family and "Marketing Camelot."

All the best,

P.S. I saw Gary Halbert test various project ideas in direct mail and newspaper ads, get really good results… and promptly do NOTHING with them.

And these were projects that could have made MILLIONS if he would have rolled out.

I never understood that back then… but I totally get it now.

In fact, I've done it myself… numerous times.

Currently I'm sitting on several "base hit" projects ($1,000.00 to $10,000/month) … and two "home runs."

But I no longer have the time, inclination or "mental bandwidth" to roll out and run various businesses at once… sooooo…

I've decided to offer my Doberman Dan Letter subscribers the opportunity to work with me on these projects.

These are all projects I conceived, wrote the copy for, created the products and in many cases have already tested them with VERY promising results.

Most are 95% ready for roll out. (One has been operating since 2004 and is currently bringing in a very high six-figures a year.)

It's a sin to let them sit here in my "future projects" folder when a few of my valued subscribers could run with them and start raking in the money.

And that's EXACTLY what my Doberman Dan Letter subscribers are going to have the opportunity to do.

Details about all these "Doberman Dan Approved" projects and businesses are going out with the September 2011 issue.

If you have the least bit of entrepreneurship in your blood, you do NOT want to miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity.

Click here to subscribe and make sure you get the September 2011 issue as soon as it arrives, hot off the presses.

Dear Friend,

Quick tip/lesson today.

Today is Gary Halbert's birthday.

I know because a loooong time ago when I was a subscriber to his paid paper & ink newsletter he revealed his birthday in a June issue. I made note of it on my calendar and sent him a birthday card.

Yeah, a REAL card. The kind you send via the good old fashioned U.S. Postal Service… not those cheap, after thought, free online cards.

And I repeated this every June 12th for a good 4 to 5 years… long before I ever met him in person and was given the opportunity to work with him.

That was just ONE of  the many strategies I used to get myself on Halbert's radar.

But I'm pretty sure YEARS of getting a birthday card from Doberman Dan helped "grease the skids" for the other techniques that finally got his attention and gave me the opportunity to mentor with him for almost a year and a half.

After I got to know him and we were actually roommates (in two different countries) I personally witnessed how many people sent him a birthday card. Bond Halbert, Kevin Halbert… and me. That's about it.

My point?

You'd be surprised how many "big shots" get few to zero birthday cards.

If you want to get a heavy hitter's attention, you might want to find out their birthday and make sure you send a card every year.

It just may make them a lot more amenable to any other offers or other attempts to get their attention.

Happy birthday, Gary.

You were an interesting cat. I've never met anyone like you before or since… and I doubt I ever will.

Dear Friend,

I have to admit…

It has amused me to watch all these little 20-something kids gain their fame as online marketing gurus during the earlier part of this decade.

Never mind that up until about 2008, we've enjoyed such a strong credit-fueled economy that a monkey with a web browser and Paypal account could have made money.

But where are all the IM wonder boys now?

Hell, I know guys still curled up in a fetal position crying and sucking their thumbs because they got "Google slapped" a couple years ago.

They've never financially recovered.

But even worse.

Actually MUCH worse…

They've Never PSYCHOLOGICALLY Recovered!

Instead, they let one little minor challenge stop them dead in their tracks… and their only reaction was to roll over, piss all over themselves and cry out to God about the injustice in the world. (BTW, God ain't listening. He already warned you stuff like this happens… and he gave you the brains, skills and ability to handle it yourself.)

And there they've remained ever since. Not able to overcome that tiny little hurdle thrown up in front of them.

First of all, "Google slap" was a freight train we direct response veterans saw coming down the tracks YEARS before it happened. And a few of us TRIED to warn you.

Problem was, you were listening to the IM wonder boys… the 20-something crowd who claimed to have the insider track on all this "new" stuff that worked online.

And for the longest time it seemed as if things were humming along perfectly for the young wonder boy crowd… the money coming in faster than they could count it, the sun always shining, the birds always singing… and the wind always at their back.

But then the challenges and changes came.

And many of those IM wonder boys have disappeared… and have never been able to overcome the various challenges like "Google slap" and all the other adjustments in the marketplace that stopped them dead in their tracks.

Yup, there's a BIG reason most have not overcome these various challenges.

Actually TWO reasons:

The Lack Of Those Two Organs
They're SUPPOSED To Have
Between Their Legs!

Or for the ladies… a lack of intestinal fortitude.

BTW, funny thing I've noticed. This "lack of balls" problem so prevalent in the younger generation only seems to be a problem with the MALES. For whatever reason, the women have their act MUCH more together in that department.

In fact, my wife, being from Colombia, has done things that would leave 99% of the guys I know cowering in a corner, paralyzed with fear.

I've noticed something about a lot of my fellow Americans… especially the ones who grew up in the same socio-economic class as me. (I believe the technical term for it is "white trash.")

They get pissed off and jealous when they see an immigrant with a successful business. But there's a reason a large percentage of immigrants have successful businesses… and there's also a reason a large percentage of American (it's now in the TENS of MILLIONS) are worthless looting losers, sucking at the public teat.

You see, most Americans can't even begin to imagine the fear you experience when living in a country where you don't speak the language and don't understand the culture. (Hell, less than 5% of Americans even have a PASSPORT… and 90% have never been any further than 10 miles from where they grew up.)

Now, try imagining building a business with this language barrier fear and the overwhelming "heart in your throat" fear caused by culture shock. (It is VERY real.  I've personally experienced it… several times in a couple different countries.)

But the Colombiana, instead of using that MAJOR challenge and overwhelming fear as an excuse, forged forward in spite of the crippling fear and did whatever it took to build a successful business in this strange, foreign land.

Let me tell you… SHE should be the one doing seminars. NOT some punk ass 20-something kid from a wealthy family, whose Ivy League education was paid for by daddy… who then, working with BOTH a safety cable AND safety net built a successful online business selling "make money on the Internet" products during one of the most prosperous periods in the history of the world.

That Is NOT The Guy To Learn From!

BTW, do you know what I mean when I say, "working with BOTH a safety cable AND safety net?"

When a rookie is learning a high wire routine, he has both a strong safety cable attached to the high wire and a strong leather belt around his waist. He also has a safety net at the bottom to safely catch him if he falls.

With all that, it's pretty damn hard to fall… and you can have all the confidence in the world because if you DO fall it's pretty much IMPOSSIBLE to get hurt.

Compare the rookie to the guy who has been working on the high wire for DECADES without any kind of safety cable or safety net. If he goes down, it's game over for him.

THAT has been my entrepreneurial career since 1996… ZERO safety net.

When the shit hits the fan (and it has… many times) there are no rich relatives to bail me out.

There's no pension fund, disability, social security or ANY government sponsored social programs or bail outs for me.

MY bail out plan… the ONLY one I've got… is what's between my ears. And even more importantly… what's between my legs.

And I have been "tested by fire"… time and time again.

You see, I know how it feels to lose EVERYTHING… forced to live in my car (a 12 year old Ford Taurus with no air conditioning).

And I know how it feels to sit down at the public library computer, (because I no longer had one), scared to death, writing a sales letter that HAD to work… or Donner and I literally weren't going to eat that week.

Yes, my entrepreneurial path has had its ups and downs. And at times, they have been EXTREME.

I know what it's like to go from being broke and living in my car… to making 6-figures a MONTH…

All In The Same Year!

(That's how extreme these entrepreneurial "ups and downs" can be.)

And if stuff like that had only happened to me once, I'd probably chalk it up to chance or luck or something.

But these extreme ups and downs have happened to me over and over again… for almost two decades.

(Hell, they're happening right now!)

But no matter how hard I get knocked down, I just keep getting up again.

And as hard as it has been to get up time after time… each time I DO get up, I'm stronger than ever.

I'll get to the point of my little rant:

I recently re-read all of Gary Halbert's old newsletters. (The ones I have in hard copy when it was a PAID subscription. Not the free ones posted online.)

I also re-read all of Ted Nicholas' old hard copy newsletters from the early 90's.

Same thing with all the old Thomas Hall materials, some very rare books and materials I have from Gene Schwartz…

…Every single issue of The Marketing Rebel Rant by John Carlton (back when it was a paid newsletter, delivered in hard copy)… and all my current and old Dan Kennedy newsletters.

Here's why all that stuff is timeless and invaluable… and always will be. And all the $2,000+ crap produced by the "has been" IM gurus is now nothing more than a fart in the wind.

It comes down to three things:

Character, Experience and Guts!

The guy I want to learn from, is the guy who has been tested by fire. The guy knocked down time after time but just kept getting up and moving forward.

The guy who, once, when hit so hard and knocked down so bad…kept moving the only way possible.  Inching forward little by little on his belly until he could regain the strength to crawl forward on his hands and knees.

And instead of giving up and staying down… even though it took MONTHS… he got back on his feet and kept moving forward.

The guy who has had the guts to work the high wire without a safety net… decade after decade.

Who, when successful, is cheered by a small group of followers who truly appreciate what it means to be a "man's man"… and how scary and difficult it is to put yourself out there time after time on the high wire without a safety net.

And who, when falls without the security of a safety net, is the subject of sneers, laughter and criticism from all those timid souls who live their lives in fear and quiet desperation, never even ATTEMPTING anything significant.

The pathetic souls who, with their criticism, attempt to justify their lack of accomplishment… and in some sick pathetic way, try to make themselves feel better about their cowardice.

Because, you see, they've chosen to let their fears paralyze them from attempting to do something… anything… with their God-given potential… and instead, they allow themselves to be a slave to their cowardice.

So they secretly hope for the strong man to fall so they can criticize him… and in so doing, in their sick, twisted minds, somehow make themselves temporarily feel better about their lack of integrity and the choice to be a slave to cowardice.

The men of character, experience and guts are the ones I want to learn from… and that's why I continue to read the classic direct response and mail order material over and over again, month after month… year after year.

And that's why I laugh at the arrogant 20-something pricks who claim to be an "online marketing/copywriting expert" because they took a 6-week course.

Who arrogantly tell me…

"I don't need to read all that old stuff about writing sales letters, mail order and direct marketing. That's just the basics. I already know all that."

Well, I've got some unnerving news for you, my pretentious, presumptuous, pompous pal. (Can you tell I like alliteration?)

Your big "fall" is coming… and it ain't gonna be pretty.

In fact, I'd bet 10,000 to 1 you ain't ever getting up.

Ya know why?

Because you may THINK knowing the mechanics is all you need… but what REALLY determines your success is…

Character, Experience and Guts!

And you get THAT by studying success lessons from… and associating with… men of character, experience and guts.

You see… you may THINK you're just spending money on a newsletter or a book by a successful person.

But it's MUCH more than that.

You're making an investment in yourself that can NEVER be taken away. You're ABSORBING and permanently imprinting in your neural pathways the DECADES of character-building and hard-won experience of the author.

You're assimilating the benefits of his character, experience and guts… the stuff required for real LONG-TERM success.

Oh sure, you've bought all the latest courses about online marketing… created by folks working the high wire with the safety cable and safety net.

The "magic bullet" online marketing course created by the kid without any real-world experience… and whose character has never been really tested… the guy who has always worked with a safety net.

Sure, that guy can teach you a quick hit "one shot" money-making trick…

But to learn how to be successful in the long term, you need to learn from the MASTERS.

The men of character and experience, tested by fire time and time again. Who experienced the great successes… AND the humiliation of the great failures.

Who got knocked down time and time again… and instead of using it as an excuse to quit, took their "beating" as a learning experience and used it as a stepping stone to greater success.

THOSE are the men and women to study.

They are as rare as hen's teeth.

Many are dead… but you can still study them and "associate" with them through the writings they left us.

The ones still alive?

Even more rare.

But they're out there.

And trust me… they're DESPERATELY seeking someone REAL to share their knowledge and experience with.

Honest, ethical people who TRULY desire to learn these lessons. And more importantly, will value these lessons and put them into ACTION.

All the best,

Dear Friend,

Not sure if you noticed but I've been AWOL from the blog for a while.

I'll explain why in just a minute.

But first, I'd like to have a little chat with you.

See, I could really use your help with a problem.

It's been bothering me for a while… and I would really like an honest answer.

Oh, wait a second. I forgot a quick item of business I need to cover first.

I'm afraid I've got some bad news…

You Can't Hire Me Anymore!

Well, it's not IMPOSSIBLE to hire me… but the pool of potential clients who would meet my new stringent qualifications is infinitesimally small.

As I've mentioned in the blog, I mostly do my own projects… but occasionally I like to do some client work, too.

I took a couple clients last year and the early part of this year. They were all great people and I'm glad to know them.

And even though I've been at this a while, this old dog learned some new tricks on how to successfully work with clients.

You may be expecting me to transition into my "clients suck" tirade… but that definitely is NOT the case with these guys.

ALL of them are salt of the earth people. I love them and would like to have their babies… if I had the plumbing for it.

And no, I didn't just get lucky in the "copywriting client lottery". They were carefully screened before I agreed to take the gig. THAT'S why it was a pleasure working with them. (Freelancers, take note.)

Anyhoo… my recent client experiences reinforced several things in my slightly demented brain:

1. Client work can be fun and exciting… when you work with the RIGHT clients.

2. They will never do EVERYTHING you tell them to do… regardless of your track record of success. (This is normal. Don't get mad at them… just put your persuasion skills to use and get them to think what you told them to do was THEIR idea. THEN they'll do it.)

3. An experienced copywriter/entrepreneur/marketer with a proven track record is worth a literal FORTUNE to the right client.

After seeing the results my clients were getting, I finally realized…

I'm Not Charging Enough!

I used to charge $15,000 to write a package and usually some kind of royalty based on performance.

I'll never forget the first time I quoted that price. I was glad I did it on a phone with a mute button… otherwise the client would have heard me snickering nervously while cringing.

It was wayyyy outside my comfort zone. It seemed like a king's ransom at the time.

Now I realize when I work with the right client, compared to his return on investment, $15k is chump change.

It's actually a disservice to your client to charge too little.  It leaves him with a low perceived value about what you bring to the table… and compliance is much lower, too. (Again… freelancers, take note.)

So now, for me to even consider taking a client, my fee is a MINIMUM of $25,000 plus some kind of back end royalty based on performance.

I'm also somewhat sad to say I can no longer afford to work with start-ups. If you want to work with me, you need to have a business already doing a MINIMUM of $500,000/year (preferably $1 million+)  in sales.

See, if I want to work with a start-up, I'll do it myself. It's MUCH easier, I can get things going MUCH faster… and it's INFINITELY more profitable.

That is why it's highly unlikely, even if you meet the qualifications, I'll accept you as a client.

It's just simple economics. I can make 100 to 10,000 times more money doing what I do for myself than doing it for most clients.

Which leads me to something I've been wanting to discuss with you for a while now.

I need your help with a problem that has been quite vexing for me.

And I'd like to get your opinion about it. But in order for me to do that…

We Need To Have An Adult Conversation…

I need to be totally transparent with you about some thoughts and fears I'm dealing with… and that is extremely "non guru".

The guru is the perfect guy on the pedestal… and to STAY on the pedestal, the guru needs to perpetuate that myth.

But I'm going to do the exact opposite and share the kind of problems gurus aren't supposed to have… and DEFINITELY aren't supposed to let anybody see.

Before I personally mentored with him, Gary Halbert was the guru on the pedestal for me.

He could walk on water, turn water into wine and everything he touched turned to gold… or so I thought.

After I got to know him, I discovered he was just as screwed up as the rest of us. And even though he was "the greatest copywriter in the world" he still had his fair share of flops and failures.

So today, instead of playing the role of the perfect guru like I'm SUPPOSED to do, I'm going to open up about some stuff I've been worried about.

I hope that doesn't hurt your opinion of me… and I hope you don't discard the message because you discovered the messenger isn't perfect.

To properly explain this problem, I'm going to reveal some stuff you'll probably NEVER hear from any guru.

I don't mean to offend anybody or hurt anybody's business… but in order for you to understand some things, I have to pull back the curtain and reveal some stuff nobody has been willing to tell you… up until now.

Sure, this stuff is talked about behind closed doors… but disclosing it to the "herd" has been expressly prohibited.

In fact, by simply hitting the WordPress "publish" button a few minutes ago…

I May Have Just Committed Career Suicide!

Whatever.

I'll survive.

See, I don't make my living as a guru. I really DO what I'm teaching… and THAT is how I support my bad habits of eating regularly and sleeping indoors.

So, in spite of the backlash I'll probably get for this, I'm going to talk about some stuff I'm not supposed to talk about.

Enough set-up. Let's get into this…

Remember when I got the million dollar buyout offer on one of my businesses?

I was kinda excited about that.

My plan was to spend a few months goofing off and then turn DobermanDan.com into a REAL business selling info products about direct response marketing.

But I turned down the offer… and this blog has stayed a side project that makes very little money.

After having time to think about it, I believe accepting that million dollar offer would have been a big mistake… for a couple reasons.

First of all, I recently started focusing on that business a lot more. (The economy has FORCED me to.) At John Carlton's suggestion, I hired a really good assistant marketer/copywriter to help me take it to the next level.

So far, things are really looking up.

In fact, if everything keeps up like this, that $1 million dollar offer will look like chump change.

So that's one reason I'm glad I didn't sell the business.

Secondly, if I had sold the business and jumped into the guru biz full time, I would be just like so many other gurus… teaching stuff that was only successful in my distant memory.

Stepping up my involvement in my business recently has really forced me to dig, test and discover what's working RIGHT NOW!

There's no room for error or "throwing mud up against the wall".

Every penny invested has to be accountable and trackable. And if it doesn't return an acceptable ROI, that stuff has to be scrapped and the money applied to something that IS bringing in an acceptable ROI.

We live in a different world now, with a MUCH different economy than just a few short years ago. You can't just coast along with half-assed marketing and make money like you could before.

You really have to be on top of your marketing game to prosper in today's economy.

The principles of human nature and direct response selling never really change… but some techniques and delivery methods DO.

In my most humble (but accurate) opinion, if you want to be a good teacher, you have to actually be in the game… actively operating a business, testing new ideas, developing new products, testing new media, etc.

If you're not in the game, you're teaching based on theory… and you're misleading your students.

No matter how much I COULD make in the guru biz full time… I simply couldn't sleep at night if I thought I was misleading my students.

And trust me… there is a LOT of money to be made in the guru biz.

I'm not talking about a measly $50k or $100k a month. I'm talking about…

Tens Of MILLIONS Of Fungolas A Year!

How do I know that?

When I thought I was going to sell my business, I started figuring out my next step. I started studying successful people in the guru biz… and picking the brains of some very well known gurus.

And I discovered some very interesting trade secrets.

So today, without further adieu… I'm going to reveal…

(Drum roll, please)…

The formula for making the big bucks as a guru!

Step #1 For Making Millions As A Guru…

Hang Out Your "Guru Shingle" On The Internet

That's it.

You don't even have to have successfully done what you're teaching. (Just like most college professors.)

You think I'm kidding?

I'm as serious as a heart attack.

Heck, I even worked with one of these guys for a brief period.

He was a completely raw, wet behind the ears rookie back then.

He did have some talent for writing… but as far as writing copy that could produce results, he was a completely unproven entity.

Yes, he did mentor under a well known copywriting guru for a few weeks… but nothing he wrote was ever run or tested.

He had never run a direct response business nor had ever worked for a direct response business.

He had no experience whatsoever in the direct response business. It just appeared that he might be able to write some copy that MIGHT work if he kept at it.

So guess what this newbie did after just a couple months of learning the THEORY of direct response copywriting without having any real world experience… or any proof whatsoever that he could write response-pulling copy?

He put up a website claiming he was…

One of the best copywriters in the world!

And even more amazingly… he started getting clients paying him 5-figures to write copy for them.

After his mentor discovered this guy's website, he called me in a rage and said, "Dan, so-and-so is a FRAUD! And I'm going to expose him."

I convinced his mentor that it would be a mistake to expose him. He should just let karma take care of everything.

Even though this guy initially misled people about his skill level and experience, he got good at writing copy. And he got good FAST.

I guess he HAD to after jumping into the deep end of the pool while still just in the beginner swim class.

So he lied about his experience level, misled people, took their money for copywriting assignments when he had almost ZERO real world experience… and according to his mentor, a rather famous guru, he even misquoted him in a testimonial on his website.

That was enough to get him some clients paying him a decent chunk of change to write copy for them.

But when he REALLY started making the big money was when he started promoting himself as a full fledged guru… and selling high priced information products, coaching groups, master mind groups, etc.

So that's step #1. You don't have to be an expert at all… just CLAIM you're one and start promoting yourself.

Let's move on to…

Step #2:

Create A Larger Than Life Persona

God knows you can't just be YOURSELF!

Nooooooo! That's not good enough.

You have to be that perfect "guru on a pedestal" we talked about earlier.

You have to be better than the rest of us mere mortals.

You have to make people envy your "rock star" lifestyle, filled with non-stop fun and excitement… even if it's not true.

You're perfect. You never fail and everything you touch turns to gold.

Every business you start, every website you create, every sales letter you write is a raging success… sucking in money "like a vacuum cleaner on steroids!!!" (Extra exclamation points added… just like on their website copy.)

And you have to give the appearance of being richer than Midas… even if you're broke and up to your eyeballs in debt.

Also, you can't just be "Richard Cranium, Internet Marketing Expert."

No, that won't build you a huge cult-like following of Kool Aid-drinking sycophants.

You have to create a unique persona, like "Richard Cranium, the lazy, works-only-one-hour-a-month, skateboarding, kazoo-playing, hippie guru."

Then do videos of you riding your skateboard, smoking trees and playing the kazoo at the beach all day, completely care-free… while your business "makes MILLIONS every month… totally on auto pilot!"

Post videos with you driving your Ferrari to the Playboy mansion to hang out with Hef and a bevvy of big breasted bikini-clad bimbos. (I LOVE alliteration!)

And don't forget… you need to build the dream for your starry-eyed followers so they'll believe they can get rich overnight, too:

"It was just two years ago I was a broke, shoeless, homeless loser, living on the beach and sleeping on my only possession… a surfboard… until I discovered the secrets to becoming an overnight millionaire on the Internet. Now I'm getting laid by super-models on my own private luxury jet… yadda yadda yadda…"

Uh huh.

My sources show the guy had a successful white collar job making 6-figures a year before going into the "how to make money"/Internet Marketing guru thing.

I'm not sure you can call living in a $850,000 dollar house in Florida "being homeless"… but… it MUST be true because there's one thing I'm SURE of…

A guru wouldn't lie!

Moving on.

Step #3:

Create "BSO" Products

Remember those three-eyed little green aliens in the movie Toy Story?

They were fascinated with "the claw".

They thought it was some kind of magical entity that was going to rescue them and carry them away to freedom.

They pointed to it and spoke its name in quiet reverence…

"The claaawwww!"

That's EXACTLY what you need as a guru… a fan base with the same fascination and reverence for your products as those little three-eyed green guys had for the claw.

A list of Kool Aid drinkers that believe your products are going to magically rescue them from being broke and miserable… without having to put in any real work.

Selling plain old fashioned direct marketing products will NOT get that kind of response.

You have to create what I call BSO's…

Bright Shiny Objects!

They have to be BETTER and more exciting than regular old marketing products.

You have to give them sexy names like Massive Mind Control Conversions… or Pumped Up Prospect Pipeline Power. (It HAS to be good if you use alliteration in the title, right?)

And here's the good news…

They're easy to create because the content can be 100% complete B.S.!

They don't have to work. They just need to appear to be new, sexy and cutting edge.

Your products can't be about the tried and true direct marketing principles that haven't changed (and never will change) since Aaron Montgomery Ward mailed the first mail order catalog in 1872.

No, that's just not sexy enough.

Never mind that these principles are the keys to big success in direct response marketing… AND it's what your customers truly need to succeed.

It's not what they WANT.

And that's good news to many of the young IM gurus because…

They Don't Know The Principles
Of Successful Direct Response Marketing!

If the truth be told, they couldn't teach successful direct response principles or create a product about them if their lives depended on it.

They've never studied the old time masters like John Caples… Claude Hopkins… John E. Kennedy… George Haylings… Robert Collier… Thomas Hall … Gary Halbert… Gene Schwartz… Joe Sugarman… Ted Nicholas… all the old direct response and mail order guys.

They've learned from other young IM gurus who were only successful during a booming economy… who also don't know the timeless principles of successful direct response marketing.

We're seeing many of them drop like flies lately because they're completely clueless about how to prosper in a recession.

But, hey… it's OK. That's not the stuff you can sell for $1,999 or $2,497.

It's too basic… too non-sexy… not bright and shiny enough.

The BSO products that sell for big bucks are…

… A new way to "trick" Google into sending more traffic….

… "Black hat" techniques that bring quick riches without the hassle of learning how to market properly…

… A cutting edge method that tricks thousands of people into your "pipeline"… opting them into lists they have no interest in… and aren't even aware they're being opted into.

… Secret new systems that take all those unqualified prospects you tricked into joining your "pipeline"… and somehow magically convert them into paying customers…

… And a host of other BSO's filled with B.S. content, ad nauseum…

Most of the people buying these BSO's are newbies… and what they REALLY need is information about the principles of direct response marketing… online and OFFLINE.

But that's not sexy enough… and it's hard to get $1,999 or $2,497 selling what REALLY works.

I'm quite skilled at some offline marketing techniques that I've used to DOUBLE the sales of online businesses… in less than 60 days.

This stuff works like crazy… and most Internet marketers are leaving a LOT of money on the table month after month by not using this offline stuff.

Almost NOBODY is teaching it or offering products that teach it, either.

I mentioned this to Perry Marshall, the Google Adwords guru, at the System Seminar a few years ago. I told him there's a gap in the marketplace and it's a sin nobody in the IM crowd is teaching this stuff.

Perry said, "You're right, Dan. That stuff is exactly what people in this niche NEED to make a lot of money. But it's not what they WANT."

What they want, of course, is the BSO.

And if you want to make a lot of money as a guru, that's what you have to sell.

Sooooo… once you've created your BSO, you need to move on to…

Step #4:

Do WHATEVER It Takes
To Get Into The IMGOBC

You know what the IMGOBC is, don't-cha?

Probably not 'cuz I just made it up.

It's the Internet Marketing Good Ole Boys Club!

I should clarify something. I only made up the name… the group really does exist.

It's an elite little clique… and membership is NOT open to just anybody.

If you can get in with them… you'll have joint venture opportunities that will make you a small fortune! (Before refunds, of course.)

These guys have huge lists of insanely rabid followers… and their "herd" is accustomed to shelling out 4 and 5-figures for BSO products.

The customers don't usually have a good track record of implementation… but they DO have a great track record of buying expensive BSO products.

Make no mistake… these guys control the "Cadillac" of lists for BSO products.

The IMGOBC is the coveted "inner circle"… you've truly arrived when you're accepted into the fold.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news… but chances are you'll NEVER get into the IMGOBC or have the opportunity to joint venture with them.

First of all, it's a pretty closed deal. You have to know somebody to even be considered.

And secondly, you also have to have your own huge list of rabid Kool Aid-drinking followers so you can reciprocate when you do joint ventures.

See, when the IMGOBC members mail your offer to their lists… you have to reciprocate at a later date by mailing THEIR offers to your list.

So if 20 guys mail your offer to their lists… you have to mail 20 different offers to YOUR list… usually multiple times.

And if you've ever been on their lists… the marketing incest just gets out of hand.

You're getting the same offers 10 different times from 20 different gurus… all promoting the same stuff.

It's enough to make your head explode! (Or unsubscribe from all their lists.)

By the way… have you noticed that when these guys launch a brand new "Super Duper Traffic Generation Secrets On Steroids" BSO course… they always sell it exclusively through joint ventures?

Am I the only person who finds the irony and humor in that?

Anyhoo… this incestuous little group also holds the key to you getting invited to speak and pitch your BSO's at the biggest IM seminars in the country.

And THAT is one of the fastest secrets to wealth and fame as a guru.

Again… am I the only hombre to find the irony in that?

A guru selling products that claim you can make a fortune on the Internet while sitting at home drinking beer in your skivvies is on the road pitching his products at seminars 30 to 40 weeks out of the year.

Nobody else has picked up on that little incongruity?

Anyhoo… yours truly will probably never be invited into the IMGOBC.

If I ever had the chance of getting in with them, I blew it the minute I hit the "publish" button on this post.

And I think I'm OK with that.

In fact, it may be a GOOD thing. Only time will tell.

We already started segueing into this earlier so let's list our next step to making serious bank as a guru…

Step #5:

Pitch Your BSO Products From The Stage
At All The Big Internet Marketing Seminars

Need I say anything more about this step that wasn't already covered?

There are several other steps I could add… but I think that's enough for now.

Look… if you've got the stomach for it, you can make a LOT of money in the guru business with just these 5 steps.

I do NOT have the stomach for it. And that brings me to the problem that's been bothering me.

You see, I've gained a lot of valuable entrepreneurial experience over the past 20 years or so.

And I've arrived at a point in my life where I'd like to start sharing that experience with people serious about improving their lives and making more money without sacrificing an enjoyable lifestyle.

So I would like to transition into making myself available for more teaching… and providing products about direct response and online marketing, coaching programs and possibly seminars.

But I refuse to play the guru game as I just described to you.

So before I move forward and invest any more time and money in this…

I'd Like To Know What YOU Think:

1. Do you think it's possible to sell marketing products with REAL value without all the BSO hype and B.S. normally required to sell guru-type products?

2. Do you think people will pay for non-sexy solutions for building a direct response/online business and making more money… tried & true honest stuff that REALLY works… but requires some study and (gasp!) work?

3. Or does the majority really prefer to be lied to and deluded and sold the B.S. "make more money than God only working 3 hours a week" type products?

4. Would people buy a marketing product showing them how to DOUBLE their business within 90 days… even if it had nothing to do with the Internet, e-mail, PPC or whatever the newest BSO "technique du jour" is currently promoted by the IMGOBC?

5. Can an honest guy with a long track record of success be successful in this business by selling non-hypey, non B.S. products, services, coaching programs, etc. – without all the typical IM guru hype and B.S.?

I would really appreciate your honest opinion.

Thanks for reading this rather long post and giving me the opportunity to rant a while. It was therapeutic for me.

I look forward to reading your comments.

All the best,

P.S. For several reasons I'm not permitted to disclose here, I can no longer share my most important money-making, life-changing… and in some instances, life-SAVING lessons on this blog.

There are several somewhat shocking reasons I cannot reveal this information in a public online forum.

You CAN get access to these secrets though… if you're truly serious about becoming financially independent and having a secure financial future.

Just click here to discover where I'm now sharing most most profitable and advanced secrets.

Dear Friend,

Here's a shout out from the man himself.

Dear Friend,

Here's how to mine your mailbox for gold and find out what's working right now in direct mail.

Dear Friend,

I was watching the Hope For Haiti telethon Friday night.

There was a stellar lineup of stars performing, presenting… and even just answering phone calls.

Imagine calling to make a donation and speaking with Ringo Starr or Stevie Wonder!

They paired up some interesting combos of singers, too.

The one that struck me as most unusual was Dave Matthews and Neil Young.

I've always liked the Dave Matthews Band. I give the guy credit for accomplishing so much. I mean, after all, he hasn't been blessed with the most beautiful voice. It may not be the most pretty but it is unique… and he uses it for all it's worth.

And a lot of people like his voice, including me.

Pairing him up with Neil Young. Hmmm… interesting choice. Another guy who has a "unique" voice.

To be honest with you, I can only stand to listen to Neil Young sing about one song. After that, his voice really gets on my nerves. (Who knows… he may feel the same way about my voice, too.)

Now during the entire telethon, Donner the Doberman is lying at my feet asleep. Dave Matthews sings the first verse of the song and everything is status quo… Donner still asleep.

Then Neil Young starts singing the second verse and Donner jumps up, stands in front of the TV, looking at Neil Young's image, the hairs on his back stand up and he starts barking like crazy.

They even cut away to a shot of Dave Matthews and Neil Young together and Donner focuses on Neil Young and keeps barking.

The combination of Neil Young's voice and Donner barking is really obnoxious… and since I can't tell Neil Young to shut up, I tell Donner to stop barking.

He complies but he stays in front of the TV, looking at Neil Young and growling with the hairs on his back standing up.

Dave Matthews joins in with Neil on a chorus and Donner is still there staring down Neil Young… and still quite pissed off.

Dave Matthews sings the next verse alone and Donner lies back down at my feet.

Honest to God… I'm not making this up!

There's something about Neil Young that really annoys Donner.

I got to thinking…

I feel the exact same way about certain "gurus".

Just reading their e-mails raises my blood pressure.

That's why I've unsubscribed from most of the usual suspects' lists.

I don't miss their messages either. They all send out the same sales pitches for the same "brand new cutting edge secret underground traffic generating secrets" product launches.

Wanna know which gurus annoy me the most?

First of all, the one who traipsed all over the country with his partner speaking at every seminar put on by all the good ole boys IM club, claiming to have a "multi-million dollar business".

Truth be told, the owner of the fulfillment company handling this guy's account disclosed in private that he was only selling about $12,000 a month.

And another guy who REALLY annoys me…

The guy who had practically ZERO experience in direct response marketing and copywriting (I knew him personally before he entered the guru market)… but hung out his shingle on the Internet anyway, arrogantly proclaiming to be the best copywriter/marketer in the world.

After he saw his website, Gary Halbert called me and told me he wanted to write an article for The Gary Halbert Letter, exposing this cat as a fraud.

Deceiving people into giving you large sums of money for what you only know in theory… stuff you only learned from a book or seminar, instead of years of "in the trenches" experience… is HIGHLY unethical. Especially when you lead your prospects to believe that they're actually paying you for knowledge gained from years of experience.

Any time I get an e-mail from these guys… or find out about the latest "cutting edge underground secrets" crap program they're selling… I'm like Donner. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up, I look at the computer screen, bark and growl.

It just annoys me.

Thanks for letting me bark and growl about these guys today. I actually feel a little better.

By the way, I discovered why Neil Young was so annoying to Donner.

As I was watching the telethon, the Colombiana was on the couch reading a book with a glossy book cover. And it was reflecting light from the lamp onto the TV screen… on Neil Young's face.

Since he was a puppy, Donner hates reflections, flashlights, lasers… anything that projects a small circle of light. He barks at it, chases it and tries to catch it.

So my wife's book was reflecting light onto Neil Young's face at the exact time he started singing.

I guess after a minute or so, she figured out the book was causing a reflection and repositioned the book… at the exact moment when Neil Young stopped singing and Dave Matthews started.

Mystery solved.

But it was still kinda funny anyway.

All the best,